Kids say the darndest things.

Yup. I was driving Lucy, Alex and 2 of Alex's friends to the movie theater last week, and this is what I heard.

"You know I like motorcycles." I nod in agreement. "I am getting my husband one, even if he doesn't like it." - Lucy
Guess we know who will be in charge in that relationship!

The boys are talking about a poetry assignment they had in class. "My poem is this: I have a dog named yoda.
He likes to drink soda.
He only likes cookies
If they taste like my sister Gabby." - Friend 1
"Luuuucky! I want a dog that will eat my sister!" - Friend 2

Barbie as a role model

Whether we like it or not, media is a role model for our children.  I think Barbie has become something of a role model for our young girls. I have always been anti barbie for her huge tatas and tiny waisted physique, but this commercial is taking things too far.  Babysitting as a career choice?  Babysitting is a wonderful career, don't get me wrong.  In fact, I have been a home day care provider for many years.  However, I have high goals for my daughter.  How about she become a president, or an activist standing up for people's rights or environmental issues.  Maybe she could be an astronaut, or a scientist looking for cures for diseases, or an agriculturist looking to preserve our food heritage.  Barbie's aspirations are a tad bit different.  She wants to teach children to use the toilet.  And look, her toilet comes with it's very own pile of poo.

Adan may be going to jail

When we first got married, he shot me in the butt with a bb gun. It hurt really really bad. I am going to write an essay about it and turn it over to my children's teachers, like THIS kid did.

Hand me down felonies!

I saw this link on another blog, The View From Here, and thought it was highly amusing. I wonder if freecycle is going to have stop? Read Mom Felonies

I want to be the queen of Thailand.

It is dangerous to insult the reigning family of Thailand. Don't believe me? Just ask this guy.

Please note, his book sold SEVEN copies. Yes, Seven.

Will you smell my....

Any questions that start with "Will you smell my..." is dangerous. The answer to this question is always a resounding NO! Lk learned this lesson the hard way today. Aj asked her if she would smell his arm pit. For some reason, she said yes and then almost barfed on herself. Then Aj rubbed his arm pit on Ad's head. Ad asked Lk if she wanted to smell his head. For some reason she said yes, and then almost barfed on herself. We had to have a talk about questions to which one should always answer no.

Google was invented by Pinky and the Brain

I better not say that too loudly here, because blogger is owned by pinky..err.. google now.

What could be better than an email service that tells you when you have had too much to drink??

The new email goggles will help you decide if you should not send that email to your ex boyfriend. It is available on nights and weekends only, cuz who's drunk on weekdays??? (ha!) Sounds super great, no? Unfortunately the way your computer decides if you are drunk is by giving you a MATH test. what happens if you fail your math test? You can't send ANY email at night or on the weekends? Brain, this is the UNITED STATES!! No one is going to pass, drunk or not! Sorry there, sally, susie, and bobby jo.. NO EMAIL FOR YOU!

On another note, I find it deeply disturbing that my computer could potentially tell me not to send an email. Pinky and the Brain are already storing every private thought we have sent in email, but now they are going to tell us not to send those emails because we are too stupid, err, drunk to add? Scary folks!

Pinky and the Brain speak up about email goggles

Chili... not for fork lift drivers

Armyman makes a mean chili sauce. But he has never made a DEADLY chili sauce. Some people should just stay away from the spiciness.

Attack of the killer chilis

Lk's Birthday

Lk turns 5 on Saturday. I can't believe my baby is 5. I can't believe it has been 5 years since that adventure in my mom's office :) My mom is the lifesaver of the year for 2003, according to the Ventura County Red Cross, dontcha know?

In honor of Lk actually reaching the 5 year mark, here is her birthday wish list, verbatim.

Music thingy like a radio
A clean house that is this big and touches the ground. (playhouse)
A long fake pink rattlesnake or a rainbow one.
5 my little ponies with a house
a little stroller for my babies
my own little tv that has channels in it.. then I could watch tv whenever I want, but not when I am going to bed. I won't ask that.
I bet I want something else too, 8 thingys.
candy
fake candy for my ponies
2 little dogs
a pony that's a baby one
a fly pony
a pony that has a bicycle that has a controller and a helmet so it could be safe.

Future Career Opportunities

Ad is truly a boy after my own heart. Yesterday, we were discussing his future career choices. He told me he would like to make posters, like lost dog posters, and hang them up all over the world telling people not to waste our trees. He asked me how much paper makers get paid. He said he would like to travel the world telling people about conservation. AWWWW! He then decided that since artisan paper makers don't make a living wage, he will be a zoologist and feed and train animals, and occasionally brush their teeth. He demonstrated how to keep a lion from biting you (stuff your hand in their mouth and hook their cheeks, learned from a nature documentary). I guess I now need to contact the zoo so he can learn about what is necessary to become a zoologist.

Today, Lk decided that when she grows up she will be a gorilla and scare people. So Ad helped her practice her gorilla growl.

Breastmilk.. yummmmy

Breast is best, right? Just how far are YOU willing to go to push the agenda, and to save the cows from a life of servitude?

PETA says we should free the cows, and as an afterthought, give up veal!

PETA loves breastmilk. See their letter to Ben and Jerry below.


September 23, 2008

Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield, Cofounders

Ben & Jerry's Homemade Inc.

Dear Mr. Cohen and Mr. Greenfield,

On behalf of PETA and our more than 2 million members and supporters, I'd like to bring your attention to an innovative new idea from Switzerland that would bring a unique twist to Ben and Jerry's.

Storchen restaurant is set to unveil a menu that includes soups, stews, and sauces made with at least 75 percent breast milk procured from human donors who are paid in exchange for their milk. If Ben and Jerry's replaced the cow's milk in its ice cream with breast milk, your customers-and cows-would reap the benefits.

Using cow's milk for your ice cream is a hazard to your customer's health. Dairy products have been linked to juvenile diabetes, allergies, constipation, obesity, and prostate and ovarian cancer. The late Dr. Benjamin Spock, America's leading authority on child care, spoke out against feeding cow's milk to children, saying it may play a role in anemia, allergies, and juvenile diabetes and in the long term, will set kids up for obesity and heart disease-America's number one cause of death.

Animals will also benefit from the switch to breast milk. Like all mammals, cows only produce milk during and after pregnancy, so to be able to constantly milk them, cows are forcefully impregnated every nine months. After several years of living in filthy conditions and being forced to produce 10 times more milk than they would naturally, their exhausted bodies are turned into hamburgers or ground up for soup.

And of course, the veal industry could not survive without the dairy industry. Because male calves can't produce milk, dairy farmers take them from their mothers immediately after birth and sell them to veal farms, where they endure 14 to17 weeks of torment chained inside a crate so small that they can't even turn around.

The breast is best! Won't you give cows and their babies a break and our health a boost by switching from cow's milk to breast milk in Ben and Jerry's ice cream? Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Tracy Reiman

Executive Vice President



Now, how about some ice cream??

Don't be a side kick!

I don't eat meat... anyone who reads this blog probably already knows that, because, well, no one reads this blog!
But i just found this sooo funny... in a very wrong sort of way. Have you ever noticed that old couples who have been together forever look alike. And those crazy pet lovers always look like their pets.. poodle owners always have perms, right?

Nothing for you, Suckah!

This NY couple were murdered. That is really sad, not funny at all. What is funny is the draft will they left behind. Unfortunately for them, they did not sign so it is not legally binding, but wowzas, these folks were bitter! The husband decided he wanted to be either buried in a scuba suit at sea, or thrown a stripper beach party. I will bring the midori!!

crazy with a will

Praise and Beverages

Driving down the crazy Kentucky highway, I saw a very small church with a sign board detailing their policy of Praise and Beverages. Everytime I passed the little church I would marvel! Maybe this church really wants to bring in the bar crowd for attempted reform. Maybe. Well I passed the church again a couple weeks ago and realized that the church sign says praise and DELIVERANCE! not BEVERAGES! oops.

fly paper

Lk was quietly sitting in the window. After over an hour, she came over to me and showed me her "fly paper". She told me that she was "plucking" flies from the air and then gluing them onto a sheet of printer paper. She was so happy to show me that she had glued over 10 flies!