Sunday, August 1, 2010

school and school and friends in the army

School starts tomorrow!! What the heck happened to summer vacation.  Phinneas and Ferb have it wrong. We only get 60 days.  This summer was no where what i had in mind.  I had dreams of baseball games, museum visits, pool time, and all around funness.  I think we only went to the pool 2 times.  No zoo or museuming, only 1 baseball trip.  Where did all the time go??  I feel like I missed a bunch of chances to make memories.  I hope that what we did was enough to get us through this year.

With the start of school, we had to gather school supplies and spruce up appearances. School supplies now include 48 pencils, rolls of paper towels, kleenex, wet wipes, and a partridge in a pear tree.  WTH?  Why don't schools supply basic necessities?  What happened to me supplying what MY child needs?  This bothers me.

I have decided that I will be putting off school for a while.  Okay, We decided that.  As much as I want to throw a BF, i have to admit that it really does make some sense.  My house is suffering lately.  I am not able to keep it clean, or complete projects, and I have almost zero time to write articles for the website.  These are things that i want. I want a clean house. I want my projects completed. I want to be able to write an article a week.  NONE of these things are happening lately.  AND add to that a new baby. I want to be able to stay home my new one. I don't want to feel stretched out between house, school and children.  Something has to give.  If i put school off the table, the other things will come together better.  Also, with school off the table I won't have to stress about moving and how my classes will transfer to the new college at the new duty station.

Friends are hard to make when you move every 3 years.  It makes you quick to judge, and I like to think, and good judge of character, or at least a good judge of compatibleness.   I think it also makes you less tolerable of bullshit.
Tthis post seems to have a lot of young wives who are new to the military. I think the military has change in the last 12 years.  And because of the change in soldiers, the wives expect more.  You can not expect the army to just let your husband go every time you hiccup.  You can't bitch if your husband comes home past 5:31.  The mission comes first, and family comes second.  You have to realize that your soldier will miss milestones like birthdays, anniversaries, christmas and first moments in your children's lives.  You have to be able to change your own damn lightbulbs, and sometimes, washing machines, flat tires, and toilets.  That's the life.  That's what you have to do.  I want to tell these wives, that their soldiers WILL miss OB appointments, and if they can't take it, they are in the wrong place. Maybe I am hard, but I don't think it's a bad thing.  The military has taught me that I am strong enough to stand on my own.  I can make it happen.

I don't want friends that i have to coddle.  If you can't take, leave. Go home and live with mommy during deployments.  Don't stay here and cry about how you have no support.  I want friends that are capable. I want friends that i can hang with, that have children who I don't want to tie up and that can handle their own.  Yeah, i want to get together, and play games, have BBQ's and drink it up, but I don't want someone up my ass who is going to freak out if I decide to stay in.  I feel like that isn't too much to ask for, but reading this list.. I am pretty specific.  LOL. I want a certain kind of person.  I guess it's more of an attitude.

I have a group of friends here, but I don't feel connected to the majority of them.  I don't think they would care or really notice if I disappeared. I always feel like they are getting together with out me.  Like I am the smelly one in the room. Maybe it's because my children are older than the majority of the children.  Maybe the majority of the women don't like me but just won't say it.  Who knows... Life is too short to play games, and just thinking about this makes my brain hurt. (I should mention here that this is a group of about 15 women. One of these ladies is a long-time friend, and I am also friends with one of the other ladies.)

I have a new friend, and she is new to active duty, but she doesn't have the attitude of a cry baby.  Maybe it's because she isn't 18.  It's nice to have someone with similar goals and attitudes.  I look forward to our nightly walks, and we have plans to hit the gym.  It is nice to have someone that is completely unattached to any other friends I have.  It's like she is all mine and I don't have to share.  She cares if I am not around, and she wants to be around me as much as I want to be around her.  That sounds like we are dating or something LOL, but really with husbands gone so much it is so important to have friends that care, and will support you when you feel like hiding in bed.

This was kind of convoluted. I guess I just want some friends.  I want friends that I can hang with.  I am not willing to lower my standards to have a big group of friends.  I think that this means I will never have a ton of friends.  Maybe having 2 or 3 great friends is better than having 20 so-so friends.

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