Facebook - Friend or Foe?

I seem to have this crazy love/hate relationship with Facebook. I feel this obsessive need to check in at every hour of the day. I say, "Oh, it's just a great way to keep up with old friends and family. It's a great way to meet the local people on this post."

But really, it's just another excuse for people to be mean, nasty and catty. It's like they think since it's online and not face to face, they can say whatever they want. Military wives in general are unkind to each other, but throw in the distance and impersonality of the internet and they are assholes.

People follow you around and post nasty things on your statuses. They post cryptic statuses to get attention, and usually the meaning behind is a dig or mean comment about someone else.

It seems that a lot of the people I meet through facebook are full of drama, looking for attention and bring chaos with them. I don't need that crap. I have enough drama and chaos in my own home.

BUT it is good for some things. I have found some nice people through facebook. I enjoy hanging out with them and i feel that I satisfy that need for companionship. Facebook is an easy way to connect people. EVERYONE and their grandma has a facebook account, and all our events and fun things are posted on Facebook. No Facebook, no notification.

Overall, I am undecided and conflicted.

Jack and my Juice

that sounds kind of wrong, but it's really just two completely unrelated topics.

Jack is the cutiest cute baby I have ever seen. He is loving, cuddly, sweet and quiet. (Quiet is a big issue in our house... I seem to have some noise sensitivities). I totally love that he knows when he is tired and ready for bed. He will be fine, just bouncing along with a smile, and then he squawks that he is ready for bed. I just hold him in his sleep time position (face in my armpit) and he is out! Done. I <3 him.

Okay, Juice. I like to start my day with some juicy juice. It is green juice, and super hydrating. Yum. Some people find the taste very vegetabley, but i guess it is a taste you work up to. I think it tastes fresh.

I have a fancy high powered juicer, and it wasn't cheap, but if you are going to juice veggies every day, the investment is worth it. I also have a centrifugal juicer, and it worked for a while. I still use it for fruits.

My fave juice recipe:
1 head of lettuce (never iceberg)
Handful of spinach
3 carrots
3 stalks celery
1 cucumber
1 apple (I like granny smith)
1 lemon, peel removed
handful of cilantro for zing

Really Real Raw

Anybody that knows me, knows that I am a vegetarian. Some people think I am lame and wonder why I just won't eat like everyone else, why I have to be so picky. Well, it's about to get worse, baby! Monday next marks the first day of whole family raw-ness. As a family we are moving to a vegetarian, 90%-95% raw diet.

So, common questions from the peanut gallery.

Yes, we will be getting enough nutrition. Yes, even the kids. To ensure optimum nutrition, we will be supplementing with vitamins D3, K2, B12, calcium, DHA, and soy lecithin. Also, the kids will probably have 1 or 2 eggs a week and we may all have some organic yogurt on occasion.

Yes, the kids will pack lunches, and we will bring food in to any event that SAD (standard American diet) will be served.

Yes, the kids are on board for the most part. We have talked about nutrition and and healthy bodies, immune systems and weight. My kids are used to a vegetarian life style already.

Yes, the kids will eat the food. As mentioned, they already eat a mostly vegetarian lifestyle. I won't be cooking anything. I will be un-cooking. Eat it or don't is my philosophy. Dig it.

No, we won't be dining on carrot sticks and sprouted sunflower seeds. It is a delicious and healthy way to prepare food. And we won't have to eat any mushy, overcooked broccoli.

Yes, it is going to be a hard transition for a while. I have a serious sugar addiction, and so do the kids. The first step is acknowledgment, right?


On to the recipe from yesterday!

Raw Cream of Tomato Soup

So this may sound kinda icky, but it really wasn't. It made a creamy frothy soup and the apples were a great sweet contrast to the tomato.

4-5 fresh fragrant tomatoes, quartered
1/4 c. cilantro
1 avocado, pitted and scooped out
1 packet stevia
1 t agave nectar
sea salt and fresh pepper to taste
1/2 c. chopped apple
1/2 c. corn, fresh off the cob

In the blender, blend all ingredients, except apples and corn, until creamy.
Divide apples and corn between two bowls.
Ladle soup over corn and apples.
Eat. Enjoy. Eat some more.

Garden for 2011

Last year's garden was a bust. We were supposed to move to NC so we gave away everything.. including my precious dirt! So I have to start over now. That's okay.. it will be worth it!

Garden is mapped, and planting and harvest dates are put on the calendar.

So I will have 15 6-ft x 3-ft garden boxes.

The plants this year are:
Early Snowball Cauliflower - 2
Farmer's Extra Early Snowball Cauliflower - 2
Green Magic Broccoli - 2
Green Sprouting Calebrese - 2
Coronando Crown Broccoli - 2
Cherry Belle Radishes - 48
Green Arrow Peas - 136
Purple Pod Beans - 136
Blue Lake Pole Beans - 64
Sugar Snap Peas - 72
Bush Beans White Half Runner - 8
Gotta Have it White Corn - 32
Golden Cross Corn - 36
Boston Pickling Cucumbers - 4
Straight Eight Cucumbers - 4
Big Boy Bell Peppers - 6
Mortgage Lifter Tomatoes - 6
Roma Tomatoes - 6
Golden Rave Tomatoes - 6
Gurney Girl tomatoes - 6
Sweet Baby Girl tomatoes - 6
Danvers Carrots - 80
Nantes Carrotes - 64
Envy Carrots - 64
Nantes Coreless - 80
Crimson Sweet Watermelons - 3
Sugar Baby Watermelons - 2
Field's Sweet Cantalope - 3
Gurney's Giant Cantalopes - 3
Multipik Crookneck Yellow Summer Squash - 1
Black Magic Zucchini - 2
Jack-o-lantern Pumpkins- 3
Lumina Pumpkins - 3
Gurney's Giant Pumpkins - 3
Spinach - 42
Bibb Lettuce - 8
Iceburg lettuce - 8
Black Seeded Simpson Lettuce - 8
Buttercrunch Lettuce - 8
Bright Lights Chard - 4
Lettuce Blend - 8
Strawberries - 72
Thyme - 1
Dill - 1
Cilantro - 3
Mint - 3
Basil - 6

and flowers:
geranium - 7
Nasturtium - 25
Marigold - 4
Sunflowers - 15

Farm Birthday featuring sock horses

In october we had an amazing birthday party for Lucy, who turned 7!  It is hard to believe my girly is 7 already!

My friend Beth made an awesome 3-D farmhouse cake. Recipe wasn't too hard and was found here: Family Fun Farm Cake. The cake was a big hit with all the kids and we had to ration the "farm animals".

At the party we made some cute hobby horses, roughly based on thesehobby horses. Of course, I forgot to take pictures of any of the finished horses, so use your imagination. If I can find anyone that did take a picture, I will post it. I got some string mops and crew socks from the dollar store. The dollar store mops were perfect because they were super short. Like mops for little people (it's not cool to say midget, is it?). We took a sock and stuffed it over the mop so that the strings filled the bottom of the sock forming the horses, um, snout? nose? muzzle?. I just left the socks loose and open around the handle of the mop. The strings did not try to jump out of the sock at all, and it worked very well. Next I cut some lengths of string and using a plastic canvas type of needle, i pulled the yarn through the sock and then back up very close to where i went down. Then I tied the two ends together. I did this all over the mane area. I cut 2 triangles from felt and hot glued them where ears should be. Finally we sewed buttons on for the eyes.

Then we raced horses. Fun.

Lucy's favorite part: Beiber posters for her room.

2010 Projects in Review

Projects from 2010

Fabric Strip Curtain, rug and curtains - Jan. 2010

Sun on a Snowy Day Wreath - Feb. 2010

Coffee Cup Rack - March 2010

Pretty Pots - March 2010

Plant Cell Cake - April 2010

Teacher gifts on the fly - May 2010

Summer Dresses - June 2010

Water Bottle Carrier - June 2010

Iron on wall "vinyls" - July 2010

Operation New Board - July 2010

Hang up laundry separators - Sept. 2010

Menu Board - Oct. 2010

Scary Spider Wreath - Oct. 2010

Hobby Horses - Oct. 2010

Jack's Journey

Jack arrived December 6th.

I am having such a hard time writing this, but it has been on my mind for a few weeks.  First and foremost I would like to state that I am completely, over the moon in love with my new son. I would never change him or want to give him back. He is a complete miracle and a wonder.  This is my vent and thoughts on a difficult situation, and want no flames.

I am having a few people that seem determined to remind me and everyone else that Jack is A.D.O.P.T.E.D.  It seems to be that people think since he was wanted and adopted, he should be a perfect baby, or maybe I should not get frustrated or ever complain.  Honestly, I am not that strong. Infants are hard. They wake up a lot.  They want to be held constantly. (I don't mind, but it is hard to do homework, cook dinner, work and hold a baby at the same time) They cry and don't tell you why.  And there is always the mommy guilt and worry.  Should I have been more patient last night at 4 AM, going on 4 hours of sleep during the last 2 days.  He shakes his arms a lot.. is that a sign of some obscure illness?

I have a friend that was trying desperately to conceive a few years ago.  She was really angry that she was not able to conceive easily like other women around her.  She wrote once that if she had a baby, she would never complain or get frustrated with her baby because she wanted him so much, so much more than the rest of us who take our fertility for granted.  I was kind of upset at the time.  I had 3 children.  Did that make me less worthy of another child?

I was already infertile at that time and ached for the 4th child.  I was MEANT to have a 4th and there was a big gaping hole in my heart where #4 should be. I felt guilty, like she thought that I did not not need another because I already had 3.  And I did.  3 beautiful, healthy, perfect children. It wasn't enough.  I had another baby out there somewhere.  But I knew that she was thinking that it was selfish of me to want another when I had 3 and she had 0.  Eventually, she did get her baby. He is a fantastic, super cute boy. And she has never complained. to me anyway.

There is someone I have met recently that seems to feel the same way.  She seems to think that I should not have any frustrations or complaints about Jack.  Maybe even that i don't have a right to complain.  He is ADOPTED.  He must be perfect, or i must be super happy and grateful since I had to work hard to get him.  I recently posted on facebook that I had a crappy day and wanted it to end.  Her response was that I should look to my children and be happy.  I love my children, i really do.  But my baby doesn't poop rainbows and spit up butterflies.  He cries.  He poops out his diaper and up his back while we are out.  He pretends to sleep until I lay down my head.  Newborns are hard work.

She mentioned a few days later that she is struggling with jealousy.  She did not specifically say she was jealous of me, but she mentioned heartache, and trying to be happy for others.  I know she is struggling with trying to conceive.  I want to have compassion for her and her situation, but sometimes I am too wrapped up in just struggling through my days. My situation is hard. newborn, no husband.  Sometimes whining makes me feel better. It upsets me that someone should imply that I have no right to a bad day or that Jack should make every problem seem miniscule.

Jack's journey to me was really long.  I waited 7 years for him.  7 years ago, October 2003, I had a baby.  A cute cuddly girl baby named Lucy.  4 days later, i had an ovary-ectomy.  No more eggs = no more babies.  I was already heart broken. It was a really dark time for me. I had a hard time mothering Lucy.  This was the baby that wasn't supposed to be the last baby.  I was going through menopause, and had 3 young children.

Eventually, i stopped feeling so black.  The kids and I moved a couple times, and Adan came home and left and came home again.  We decided to look into adoption and immediately realized that was a pipe dream.  We are a military family who moves on average every 9 months.  There was no way we could afford 15,000+ dollars to grow our family. That idea went to the back of the mind.  Every time it popped up, i would dismiss it and push it to the back.

I felt that jealousy.  It wasn't fair. I KNEW i had another baby, and now i would never get to meet him. All my friends were having kids and I had to sit around them and know that i would never get to do that again.   I had my children so much earlier than all my school friends... I had an 8 yo, and 6 yo and a 3 yo when my bff started having kids. I had to suffer through baby showers and cuddles with a black hole in my heart.  

A couple years later we moved again.  I had mostly gotten past my burning envy and settled in.  I had new friends and they were my age with children that matched the ages of my children.  We decided to try and adopt through the foster care system.  We went through the classes and finished our home study.  Due to a stupid loophole, we could not foster adopt and live on post.  We could adopt or foster, but not both.  We fostered for 9 months, but we quickly realized that this was not going to work.  The only children free for adoption were teens or severely medically challenged.

I had considered donated eggs, but without ovaries it would be nearly impossible to sustain a pregnancy.  We thought about surrogacy, but it was just as expensive as adoption.  We realized finally that a baby wasn't going to happen.  Adan and I finally came to a decision that we would shelve all the baby stuff come December 2010.  There was no use getting ourselves all worked up all the time when it never seemed to pan out.  In December we were moving on.

God works in his own time though.  2 1/2 years ago, I opened a family child care home.  The first family that I interviewed did not meet the criteria that I had set out.  I wanted only before and after school care children. No youngsters.  this family had a kindergartner, a 4th grader and a 2 year old.  I wanted to say no, but something in me said yes.  So I started watching them.  I was caring for them as we went through that foster care class, and as we fostered a child.  A year later I decided to go back to school and closed my daycare.  My family bugged me to keep watching the children, and I decided to continue watching them through the Army's respite care program.

I met the children's grandparents, and aunt in the course of the time and I felt almost like they were my second kiddos.

June 2010, their aunt decided to give her baby up for adoption.  She chose us to take Jack.

We visited the lawyers, and did all the necessary shopping, but it did not feel real at all.  I never felt like I would really be having a baby in my arms. Momma was great. She let me be at all the ultrasound appointments and at the birth.  I was with Jack from the time he was born until he came home.  Jack is mine. Sometimes it still doesn't feel real.  But it is.

And I am still human. Even after hoping and wishing and crying for the last 7 years.  He still cries in the middle of the night or wants to be held when i need to go to the bathroom or cook.  But I would not give him back for anything in the world.